she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
