oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
