"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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