Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
