is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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