how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
