TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
