a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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