Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
