guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
