anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
