I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
