My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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