I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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