All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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