I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
