Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
