somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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