They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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