Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
