Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
