I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize