phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
