whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
