thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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