Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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