and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
