i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
