this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just gift wrapped bread.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
