so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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