my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
NoShamevember. You game?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
