she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
