You can't special order awesome
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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