how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
