BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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