Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
