you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
