Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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