cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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