Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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