Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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