dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
