I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
