So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
