Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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