batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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