so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
