my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
