i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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