i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
