This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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