I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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