just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
