Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You may now shotgun with the bride
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
