I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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