While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
