I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
