wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
