it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
