Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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