he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it because I queefed?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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