When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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